


Comeback for Me

by DigitalDaisy



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Dragons: Race to the Edge, Extended Scene, Gen, Shell shocked, not at all serious, rtte
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 07:37:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20386081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalDaisy/pseuds/DigitalDaisy
Summary: Viggo wasn’t sure how it had come to this: helping the Twin riders come up with one-liners for their leader to say upon his defeat. It was certainly rather amusing... and tiring.





	Comeback for Me

“‘Prepare to be annihilated, scum!’” Tuffnut said, grandly. “What do you think?”

“Too rude and far too tactless for such an occasion,” Viggo responded. This was surprisingly amusing for an utterly ridiculous conversation in an equally ridiculous situation.

“‘Be prepared to no longer exist in this plain of existence!’”

If someone had told him not even a year ago he would be sitting in a makeshift jail cell being held hostage by a group of dragon-riding teenagers brain-storming comebacks for their unwilling leader while his brother ran rampant around the Archipelago with a dragon-proof ship strapped to the back of a Titan Wing Shellfire... he would likely have had the person put in a cell themselves and then personally checked their quarters for whatever strong alcohol they had been harbouring.

And yet, here he was. Life is cruel.

“Think of the surrounding situation. You want something that finalises the scene while incorporating the events leading up to it. Otherwise it’s all for naught.” He was in far too deep. Losing his mind for sure.

“‘Taste my talons, mace!’” Ruffnut looked quite proud of that one.

“Good, but not the sort of thing Hiccup would say.” Viggo had heard of men who went mad without realising it until it was too late. _Maybe that was what was happening..._

“He’s got a point: Hiccup is a lot fancier than that,” Tuffnut agreed. “We need something that fits his character.”

“Hiccup does have more finesse than that.” _That must be it, because there was no way he was doing this willingly._

“Uh...” matching faces of confusion met his response. If this went on for much longer, he was going to start giving these kids an English lesson. They were not a year from being considered adults even by his tribe’s standards, which was a later age than most other tribes in the area, yet they had the vocabulary of an eight-year-old, and that was an insult to eight-year-olds everywhere.

“‘You’re about to be the board to my game.’” Ruffnut said in a fake, smooth tone.

“That sounds more like a flirt than a threat.” What had he done to be subjected to this?

“‘My Chief has your Marauder surrounded!’”

“‘The Traitor always dies in the end...’” _Ooh, that was a cheery one._

“‘Best two out of none!’”

And now they were just coming rapid fire. Viggo massaged his temples as the twins continued to shoot off comeback after comeback at each other, not even pausing to hear his comments anymore. This was worse than the time he got his nieces hyped up on sugar cakes at the markets while babysitting. At least then he was free to walk around and they were small enough to be picked up if need be.

No wonder they say teenagers are worse than toddlers...

“‘Maces and Talons is my name and Hiccup Haddock is my game...’ wait.”

When he was first shoved in here with these two as guards, he had thought that they must be versed in some form of advanced interrogation techniques—the girl especially had shown an uncommon bravery for her age when facing his and Ryker’s questioning when she and her brother had invaded the secret Hunter base. And the boy had been able to take down about a dozen hunters on his own when pushed. But it was becoming increasingly difficult to tell if they had some form of untapped, insane genius or suffered from pure, unadulterated stupidity.

‘Twas a fine line if ever there was one.

“Don’t you two have far more pressing matters to attend to?” This was a man who stayed up for days on end because he forgot the need to sleep, how was he _this_ tired?

“You know, you could be more cooperative. It would make this go a lot faster.” There the boy twin went again, sounding respectable and normal. The rapid changing of demeanour was giving him whiplash.

“Why don’t you go read something to get an idea? You might find something of worth.” Distract and conquer was a strategy well known to work on his nieces. Hopefully it would work on them.

Tuffnut looked at the man like he had spouted nonsense. But Ruffnut seemed rather taken by the idea. “Wait, bro; he might be onto something...”

“You sure? I mean, when have books ever done anything for us?”

“Well, it won’t hurt to try. I’ll go raid Fishlegs’ hut.” She quickly scampered off. One down, one more to go.

“Aren’t you going to go see for yourself if there is anything of interest? Your sister may not bring back the best material.” Siblings inherently had stubborn streaks when it came to individuality, especially twins.

“Nah, she’s good. We pretty much always go for the same thing anyway.”

Or not.

“Surely you want to find a better comeback than her.”

“Nope. I Kevinly am quite happy with whatever she finds. It’s a twin thing.”

Was he intentionally being stubborn, or did this young man truly not mind what his sister came up with?

“Even if she decides to go tell Hiccup before running it by you?” Come on, this tactic works with everyone. He hadn’t met a pair of siblings yet who could ignore such an jab.

“Pfft, so? Hiccup is hard to impress, if she came up with something he accepts, I’d be proud!” Tuffnut actually teared up a little out of imaginary pride in his sister. Uncanny.

Even he and Ryker had never been able to withstand such rivalry. That had become especially evident these past hours. Viggo still wasn’t sure of his elder brother’s exact reasoning for taking over the project; the uncertainty stung more than he’d like to admit. He had been sure that the two had had each other’s backs until that moment, and the betrayal had blindsided him.

Thankfully, he was interrupted before he could continue that line of thought by the female twin strolling in casually, carrying a large crate of books and other miscellaneous objects.

“I wasn’t sure what kind of books to grab, so I brought, like, all of them.”

Tuffnut gasped. “Sister! What is the first rule of taking other’s things?!”

She put the crate down and rolled her eyes. “Relax, bro. I locked one of the Night Terrors in there so Fishlegs’ll think the mess came from that.”

“Oh, good. But won’t he notice his books missing?”

“Nah, I figured he’d just think it ate ‘em.”

Tuffnut turned to Viggo, wagging his eyebrows. “See how good she is?”

“Indeed. Truly diabolical.” If this was what went on at this outpost daily, he and his men may as well have left the teens to it. They looked as if they were enough of a danger to themselves.

The riders set themselves up on the floor in front of his makeshift cell, each with a large stack of books, picking up one at a time and shoving them under his nose to ask if that might contain inspiration for a comeback. Most of which were simply botany or geography books of some kind.

Once they had narrowed down the options to include only adventure or biography books, of which the Ingerman boy had relatively few, the Twins got stuck into searching the pages for anything of use.

This was torture in itself. The two could read, but only the barest basics, often struggling to make out words larger than five letters long. After some time of hearing this, because of course they couldn’t read quietly in their own heads, the businessman took pity on them, or maybe it was on himself, and helped them to sound out the words.

Once Viggo got involved, the process became much faster. They would read for a bit, stumble, spell out the word or show it to him through the bars, and he would help them sound it out, at times explaining what the word meant.

Whether or not they were geniuses of some sort was still undecided for now, but they were fast learners, he had to give them that much credit. He almost never had to help them with the same word twice, and when he helped one, he could see the other stop to pay attention. The process left him wondering if Berk had any kind of formal education, as his own tribe had, or if they simply left the teaching of the children to a few of the less-busy adults around the place.

Viggo could not imagine reaching adulthood and not knowing how to read. Even his young nieces, the oldest of which was around nine and the youngest three, could read fairly well, if not fluently. He had many fond memories of days spent teaching them as they sat in his tent as he did paperwork, as well as the days when he was young, learning from his Grandfather.

Unfortunately, the twin Riders only had so much of an attention span, and eventually gave up on the books, resorting once again to shooting off comeback after comeback at each other, punctuated by other insults, suggestions, and random acts of violence. At first he had sighed to himself, resigned to the fact the books had been a useless suggestion, but as he listened, he realized that nearly all of their comebacks somehow incorporated things they had just read. Fast learners indeed.

This entire process had gone on for too long and Viggo was finding himself rather weary. It was nearly noon, and he had been locked up in the stables since early that morning. He’d hoped he would be able to divide and conquer, or at least distract the Twins so he could escape, but they seemed to rather serve the purpose of distracting him to the point that he could not hear himself think. Never leaving him alone and working off of each other to never allow a dull moment to pass. Ingenious tactic.

He tuned back in to the conversation, if one could call it that, right as it was becoming heated once again.

“Oh, oh! I’ve got one!” Tuffnut cleared his throat, wobbling slightly from his position on his sister’s shoulders_ (when did he get up there?)_ “‘There’s no crying in Maces and Talons!’”

Now was his chance. “Hmm... I rather like that one.” _Take the bait. Take the bait._

“Wait, you do?” The girl seemed to be the more suspicious of the two.

“Why, yes; it’s simple and to the point, but packs just enough of a punch not to overdo it.” And if he was going to go down, it seemed like the least irritating one-liner to be served... not that he really believed Hiccup would even use it...

“He’s right; it’s totally something Hiccup would say!”

“Let’s go tell him!”

The Twins seemed to get excited that they had found something. And, next thing he knew, they were scrambling towards the door.

“Thanks man! We couldn’t have done it without you!” Tuffnut called over his shoulder,

“And the books! We seriously need to read more if it’s gonna help our word game.” Ruff added.

“I concur!”

Well, if all he accomplished today was to spur on the love of reading, then Viggo had at least done something right.

And, because they were distracted, he might be left alone, finally.

“Wait.”

_Oh no._

“We should call some backup. Hiccup won’t like it if we leave Viggo alone.”

_Rats_.

“Yeah! HEY, SNOTLOUT! GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!”

Well, there goes that hope...


End file.
